If you’re looking to get revenge on an ex then clearly they hurt you in so many ways that you feel like you need to ‘get them back.’ Maybe they cheated on you or were emotionally or physically abusive. Or they could just be a total emotionally unavailable user who left you feeling used and discarded once they were done with you. Regardless of the reason, so many people come to me asking what the best way is to get revenge on their ex, so I’m going to tell you.

Firstly I want to list a few ways that people TRY to get revenge on their ex, and if you’re a little older like me I can guarantee that in your younger years you’ve at least done one if not all of these things. Please note: the below are things you should NOT do to get revenge on an ex.

  1. Make them jealous by moving on quickly – this is probably one of the first things someone who is hurting wants to do to an ex. They want to show that person that they don’t need them and that they have found better. #UPGRADEU The negatives to this are that firstly you are potentially hurting another individual in the process, but also that you are not processing your emotions from the breakup and instead trying to stick a band aid on them via sex and dating someone else.
  2. Go out loads and post photos on social media of you #LIVINGMYBESTLIFE to make them realise just how happy you are. Oh God, this one was my default, the shame. The reality is usually that you’re hurting and that as soon as you’ve posted that Insta or Snapchat story you’re waiting and stalking your own views to see whether your ex has seen it. If they don’t even look you feel absolutely gutted because they don’t care, and if they do look it’ll probably actually end in an argument or them thinking you’re being desperate and pathetic. Like I said, the reality is that you’re hurting, and usually that’s pretty obvious to those watching.
  3. Flirting with other guys – Similar to #1 you may start flirting with other guys on social media or in person to get a reaction from your ex. You may not even give a damn about this other guy, but you want your ex to think that you’re potentially interested. Again, can cause arguments and also can make the ex think ‘thank God I dumped her/we’re over.’
  4. Blocking and unblocking – I am all for No Contact, but if you decide to block your ex and then a few days/weeks/months later you unblock them then it’s all just a game to them – and to you. If your ex hurt you and destroyed you, the fact you are now closing the door but then re-opening it to them is really questionable behaviour and shows you are desperate for their validation again. It also shows that you don’t even respect yourself enough to keep your own boundaries…if you block, you block.
  5. Hook up with a mutual friend. Yes this is one many people do to really dig the knife in their exes cold and probably-not-even-beating heart. You think that by hooking up with someone that they also know, maybe even a best friend, may hurt them? Well, actually even though it probably will, if it was someone who didn’t give a sh*t about you, it’ll be more their pride and ego over it being about you. Plus, no doubt you’ll feel like sh*t once you’ve done it. Have the higher ground and stay classy.
  6. Telling them you’re over them. Oh God, this one is bad and reminds me of that Friends episode where Rachel goes on another date and leaves Ross that “I am over you” voicemail. If you have to tell someone you don’t give a f*ck about them any more, then clearly you give a f*ck to tell them you don’t. Read that again.
  7. Publicly shaming them. If you’ve been cheated on or completely destroyed the one revenge you may want is for everyone to know just what a moron this person is. You may want to post on social media, even print posters to let everyone in the area know your husband was a cheating user. The thought of their humiliation at everyone knowing their business may fill you with complete joy. But this type of joy would be short lived, and you will inevitably end up feeling the hurt all over again when everyone knows your business.
  8. Contacting the other woman. If your ex had an affair, you may want to go all guns blazing to not only him but to the woman he left you for or the woman who caused the split. You may feel like it would be a weight off your shoulders to give this woman a piece of your mind, and that she deserves to know what a scumbag your ex is. I have a whole post on WHY you shouldn’t reach out to the other woman, but I advise you leave this one well alone. Like I said earlier, stay classy.
  9. Bad mouthing them to mutual friends. I know how easy it is to do this, especially if you feel they did you wrong in many ways. However, talking bad about the other person actually just makes you look bad. In fact talking badly about ANYONE always makes the person doing it come off worse. If you broke up, then everyone already knows things weren’t great. The best way to be is to keep quiet. Sadly, people will make up their own minds about what went down in your relationship but those that KNOW you will stick by you – and they’re the ones that matter.
  10. Making friends pick a side. Similar to #9 this is one that many do when they have mutual friends. Yes it may be really hard to share your friends with your ex, especially if they were YOUR friends first. But to stop your friends from hanging around your ex is just going to make them want to do it more. If a breakup should teach you anything it’s that you can’t control other people, they’re going to do what they want no matter what YOU want them to do. Let your friends know that they’ll always be your friends, but as for your ex you need distance and don’t want to be around them. If that means your friends go out with your ex and you stay home, so be it. Your friends will miss out on the fun person you are, but also if it keeps happening, it’s time to find some new and more loyal buddies.

Want to know how to get the BEST revenge on your ex? It’s actually so much easier and better than any of that crap above. It’s about treating YOU better. It’s about putting all the focus on you, being totally selfish that instead of thinking about that loser you think about exactly who and what you want to be. Think of all your dreams and potential goals, write them down and follow them through. Instead of going out getting wasted with friends and crying and drunk dialling your loser ex, spend time getting sh*t done.

“The best revenge is a life well lived.”

Need some examples of what you should be doing instead of stalking his social media? Here you go…

Eat better, sleep better, exercise more, love yourself, work harder, study more, read more, buy some sh*t you really want. Save some money, travel more, see your friends, make exciting plans to look forward to. Get a new hairstyle, spend more time on your appearance, de-clutter your home, write down your goals, make a vision board of exactly where you want to be in a year, get a pet. Look at your negative traits and work on becoming better, journal your feelings, meditate, listen to new music, learn an instrument. Cut off toxic people in your life. Make new friends, join local social groups, explore the area you live in. Spend more time with family, visit people you haven’t seen in forever, reach out to old friends. Take a new course, set up a business, start a blog or Youtube channel, start sketching more. Tidy your room, make your bed each morning, wake up earlier, help others more, compliment someone daily, stop hating yourself. Drink less alcohol, be a better friend, be a better sibling, be a better child or grandchild, be a better PERSON.

The main thing I want to emphasise is that we can get so lost in the anger and hurt from a breakup, that instead of realising we need to put the focus back on us, we lose our way in them. We WASTE hours of our time ruminating over something that is over. That’s right guys, it is OVER – and thank f*ck it’s over, because actually this is a huge wake up call for you to stop focusing on THEM. The reason you are putting so much focus on them is because you are scared to look at yourself and realise that you need to sort you out. Be selfish, think what YOU want out of life. Being single can be one of the most exciting times of your life, because it means you can really work on yourself, and do everything just for YOU.

The amount I have accomplished in the couple of years I have been single is insane. Some days I feel like I’m just getting by, but actually the fact that I am even just getting by on those days deserves a pat on the back. Other days I realise just how far I’ve come and with my life plan all written out I feel less lost and more focused. Like I said, the best revenge is being happy and living well. Every time you feel your focus slip back to them, remember that you and only you have the power to move on and achieve better – and trust me, once you start working on your life, they’ll start to become a distant memory.