Probably the most common message I get from women is why a guy who seemed to have so much potential has gone cold on them. In dating terms we call it the hot and cold stage, and pretty much everyone is going to be hot in the beginning. As time goes on the cold stage may kick in where texts become less frequent, calls go unanswered and dates get cancelled. You want to know what is going on and why this guy, who you had such a great time and who also said had such a great time with you is now being like this. What did you do wrong? Why doesn’t he seem as interested any more? Why has he gone so cold?

The most difficult thing about dating in these modern times is that we now have a culture of instant gratification. Everyone wants the easy life, and everyone thinks there is better out there. Don’t like your phone? Don’t worry, you can get an upgrade to a better model. Hate yourself today? Post a photo on Instagram and get likes from strangers that quietens that inner hatred for a moment. The problem is, we are NEVER satisfied, and now we live in a time where we all have attention deficit disorder and can’t seem to stick things out, we just need more and more. People switch jobs constantly, they drop out of college, cheat on their partners. Relationships are work, and these days a lot of people don’t want to put in the effort or the time.

The main reason why this guy may be going cold on you is because HE KNOWS HE HAS YOU. Especially in early dating when we make it clear to a guy – before they even commit – that we are solely into them. That just makes them know where they stand, and think of you as someone they have as and when they want. From that moment on the respect level can drop, because getting something that easy doesn’t feel earned. If he doesn’t feel like he’s earned you, then he’s not going to value you.

When it comes to women most of us have a one guy radar, we may spend months or years looking for someone we like but when we do that’s all we focus on. We stop investing in dating because we find one guy with potential, and that is SO dangerous for women to do. Unfortunately I would say nearly all men (and some women) continue dating, even when they insist they are really into you and that they’ve “never had a connection like this before”. When you begin dating and you leave that date thinking it went great, the guy you’re seeing has probably turned his phone on and received 5 new matches with girls in his area that can all be potential options for his next date. We need to stop dropping everyone else to focus on one guy…don’t give the guy you like ALL the free time you have, don’t be too available because that’s an ugly trait to give yourself – you deserve more than prioritising a man over YOU. If you also drop anything and everything for him, it will show you have nothing else going on in your life but him.

Also when you limit your options to this one guy, you start to get the mindset that he is the only person out there for you. Yes he may be the only one you like right now, but you aren’t exactly being fair on yourself if he’s your only option. If he is the only potential guy right now that will force you to put all of your mindset and energy onto this one person, making you invest way more than you should. Over investing, especially early on into a relationship always leads to a disaster. It is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to protect your heart and keep your options open until the time comes that BOTH of you agree to be committed to each other.

It’s hard to give you an exact reason why the guy you like has gone cold, but knowing he has gone cold is a HUGE sign that you need to stay in the dating game – it’s also a HUGE sign you need to focus on yourself more. I know you may like him a lot, and I know how easy it is to get swept along in the excitement of finding someone you have a genuine connection with. When we do this we can’t see potential in anyone else, and a lot of the time we don’t want to date. However, if he’s cold on you it’s because either he’s hot on other girls, or he’s just too focused on his life to give a damn right now. Any coldness in dating is a red flag, and shows you that you need to evaluate your level of investment, and take a step back.

Protect your heart.