Since my last post was talking about whether you should contact the other woman, I thought it was only fair to give you guys a heads up to the tell tale signs that your man (or woman) is doing the dirty on you. If you’ve found this post as you’re googling for signs your man is cheating, then that is probably the first big sign: never ignore your gut. But we women want PROOF, or at the very least we want to know that we are not going crazy and that the behaviour we are seeing from our partner is shady AF. So here are 10 common signs he’s cheating on you…
- Change in appearance: is your man suddenly hitting the gym, caring what he wears, buying new clothes/shoes/aftershave, spending more time on his personal appearance? Whilst this on it’s own doesn’t mean there is another woman or potential love interest, teamed with other signs below, it really could be showing that he’s trying to impress someone – especially if it’s a complete change from how they normally are.
- Seeming more private/using their phone more. Do they take their phone with them wherever they go? Are they using it constantly? Do they hide it from you when you come near, or close a laptop quickly if you walk past? If you happen to check their phone (not condoning you do, but sh*t happens), do you find message threads have been deleted? Probably one of the most common signs of an affair is the privacy of the cheaters phone or laptop. You’ll find that they will not want to discuss who they are talking to, even though they may clearly be glued to their phone and chatting to that person constantly. If you once knew their pass code to their phone, or they give it to you, it’s suddenly changed when you next try it.
- Working late or making excuses to ‘pop out.’ Have you found your partner is more absent from spending time with you, or times when they were normally home with you, you find they are spending at the gym, at work, or even when they’re home if you are running low on milk they’ll happily pop out and get some more – or walk the dog, when they used to not even care about the dog? These are all signs that either they’re wanting to spend more time with someone, or potentially call or chat to someone else. Obviously this alone doesn’t necessarily mean anything, but teamed with other shady behaviour, you need to keep a close eye on them.
- Regularly mentioning another woman or not mentioning them! OK hear me out on this one because there are a couple of ways cheaters deal with this. Maybe your man has suddenly started talking about ‘Susan at work’ and every so often he throws in a ‘Susan said this today’ or ‘Oh that happened to Susan one time’ – and in your mind alarm bells start ringing like WHO THE F*CK IS SUSAN. When a guy may have an inappropriate crush on another woman, some of them feel it’s more acceptable to mention that woman to their partner, as that makes it all okay. Other guys will do the opposite, and they may use terminology like ‘they’ instead of ‘she’ or ‘someone from work’ when really they mean Susan the f*cking hoebag. I hear from a lot of women who have husbands that go to lunch with ‘someone from work’ or end up going on a business trip and forget to mention that there’s a woman going with them. There’s something shady about someone who mentions another woman all the time but also someone who won’t mention them at all – if you confront them about not mentioning, trust me, you’ll get the “I knew it would make you mad” line.
- Everything is your fault. All of a sudden you may find that your partner is becoming more snappy with you or more cold. You may find that he argues more or something about his character just means he has a lot less patience for you. A lot of cheaters use the line on the other woman that they’re not in a happy home life. So if that was a lie they spun to trick the other woman, they now want to justify their cheating ways by making it true. So they’ll argue with you, and act as though they hate their relationship, all to lessen the guilt of cheating and allow them to feel what they’re doing is okay.
- There is no connection between you. You feel like you could walk into the room and he wouldn’t even notice you were there, probably because he’s too busy texting Susan on his phone. Or if you don’t see each other often, you feel as though calls are less, messages are less or ignored completely and you feel a total disconnection between you.
- Change in music taste or clothing style? Similar to the change in appearance, there may be new things about your partner that they suddenly seem to love that they never did before. You may even think they’re going through a mid life crisis because all of a sudden they are acting in a completely different way to normal. This is usually a sign that they are either trying to change and become someone different for someone else, or that they are just wanting to be a new version of them and leave their old life (and you) behind.
- Becoming more social and going out more. Did they normally used to come straight home from work but now you find they want to go out for drinks after? Did going out suddenly become a new priority in their life, one that doesn’t involve you so much? Are they spending more time with ‘the boys’ or new friends from work that you don’t even know?
- If you confront them over things they attack you back. Maybe they tell you you’re just being jealous, or OTT and that ‘they’re just a friend.’ Even if the shoe were on the other foot and they wouldn’t like you acting like they are, they will point blank swear that you are overreacting and that nothing is going on. They may even show you their phone (deleted messages obvs) or email account or let you go through it – usually either after they have deleted everything, moved everything to another phone or if they use an app like Kik or Snapchat all evidence is deleted anyway so they’re covered.
- YOUR GUT TELLS YOU THEY’RE BEING SHADY AF. I cannot emphasise this one enough, and even though most of you stay and stalk and wait for actual evidence to fall into your lap. I can guarantee you that if you feel something is off, then it most definitely is. Even if it hasn’t fallen into a physical affair, an emotional affair can be just as bad and can destroy a relationship just as much. If your gut screams that your guy is up to no good, then that’s all you need to know – you KNOW for damn sure you aren’t happy if your gut is making you feel that way, so why stay?
Let’s stop staying with liars and cheats for the sake of wanting valid information to justify leaving. Even if you never get full on proof that your guy is cheating, if they aren’t making you feel good or if they become cold, distant, private, and treat you like a last option – MOVE ON. There are plenty of men out there who would NEVER cheat on you, but more importantly, YOU DESERVE BETTER. Find the strength and courage to say that their behaviour recently gives you no choice but to walk away. If they come back fighting for you, with consistent effort, then it could be worth another shot. However, if there is another woman there usually won’t be any effort and this may be the end of the road.