This blog is for anyone who is looking to change their life in some way. People who may feel lonely or depressed, maybe you’re a parent and feel you’ve lost your identity, or a single parent transitioning to living alone. It’s a place to show you that you are actually not alone in whatever you are going through, and that a lot of the time what you are experiencing is a lot more common than you think. I write about what I have experience in, and I talk about ways to avoid making mistakes that either I have made or people I speak to and help have made. If I can make one person feel a little bit of comfort, even with one of my posts, then I feel this blog has set out to do what I hoped it would. If not, at least it’s been an outlet for me with some of the pain I have gone through.
A bit about me…
A couple of years ago I was in a completely different place to where I am now- I was complacent. My life was on auto pilot and I felt like I was living a life that would be comfortable forever, but not fulfilling in any way. I had settled into a lifestyle I wasn’t happy in, but I couldn’t see a way out, as it was easier to stay like this then change. One day I woke up and decided to transform my life into what I always felt it should be. There wasn’t really an obvious epiphany moment, but more a small realisation that, as an adult, only I had the power to change my life and no one around me would do it for me. I could continue to live the same way I was for years to come, or I could do something about the things I wasn’t happy with, RIGHT NOW.
When I became a mum I totally lost my identity as a person, and anything I was previously passionate about – seeing my friends, fashion, live music, was all put on the back burner and forgotten about. Also from my pregnancy, I had become overweight and instead of doing anything about it I chose to wallow in a state of sugar loaded exhaustion and daily self deprecation. Eventually after this non-epiphany–or-maybe-slight-epiphany-thing, I took control and signed up to a gym. It wasn’t something I planned, I just made myself do it and finally investing in myself, even a small amount, made me feel I was worth something again. Within 6 months I ended up losing 4 stone (56lb), and more importantly I gained self confidence and self belief. Adding fitness to my lifestyle changed EVERYTHING. Trust me, I’m a lazy b*tch, my mum used to write me notes for sports class in advance that I could hand to my teacher to get me out of doing anything remotely physical. But now as Ed Sheeran would say, I was ‘eating kale, hitting the gym, keeping up with Kylie and Kim’ and I finally felt GOOD about myself, and not even like the old me, but like a NEW and improved me.
I then decided to take the very scary step of leaving a comfortable relationship, and became a single mum of twins. I went from a life of comfort, certainty and monotony, to one that was scary, lonely but exciting and filled with endless possibilities. I started to submerge myself into becoming the best version of me. I’ve always been someone who’s main hobbies were, the internet – so many cat videos – and having an extensive knowledge of ALL reality TV series going. Now as well as those important hobbies I already had, I go to art galleries, fitness classes, museums, travel, read books, play instruments, draw…there are so many things we forget we can try. I’m not good at most of the things I try, but that’s part of the fun of it, there is something to be said for trying regardless of that and attempting things.
This blog isn’t forcing you to completely transform your life in extreme ways like I have. But even minor changes can have a huge impact on the daily running of your life. For me, even focusing on things like my daily mindset, changing from being negative about myself to actually giving myself a break. Making some small tweaks to how you feel about yourself can do so much good. Even just remembering to think about and prioritise yourself sometimes – it can be so easy to forget YOU! Having some self worth helped me believe I could run a business, it helped me become a stronger minded person when I’ve always been very passive and a people pleaser. It’s changed my friendships and who I allow into my life, I’ve got rid of toxic influences be they friendships or fuckboys I’ve dated.
Life is hard, but I think the worst thing is that a lot of us seem to be so hard on ourselves. I have always been extremely critical of everything I do. Even now I have days where I scrutinise myself for not being a good enough mother, for not holding a relationship together, for going back to an emotionally unavailable guy who used me time and time again.
Sometimes we have to give ourselves a break and realise we are human and we are full of flaws and make mistakes – it’s normal.
Whilst a transformation may sound like a ‘quick fix’ or an immediate action, to me transforming means continually changing. Even now I need to continue to follow the advice I write about. I lose my way all the time, I stop my fitness, I get depressed, I fall for the wrong people and get hurt, I lose sight of my goals and start procrastinating. I’m human, it happens. However, instead of sinking into my past cycle of self blame and misery whilst not tackling my lack of doing things about it, I am now more self aware. Being self aware is the best way of sorting out your issues, it’s about being honest with yourself and why you are acting the way you are, even if you don’t want to admit the reasons.
I hope this blog can give you some food for thought, even if you don’t feel ready to take a leap and change something today. Just know that you have every potential to do that when you are ready to; you are in control.
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